whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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