First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
