i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
