I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
