im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
