I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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