Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
