We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
