my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
