If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Randomize
