I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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