Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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