In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am available for nakedness
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
