I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
