why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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