At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
