it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
