i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
