Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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