He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
