he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
