My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
