i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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