mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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