you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
