Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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