Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
