she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
