My underwear smells like fireworks.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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