hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
