Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
