so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
