somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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