guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
