So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
