WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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