so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
