i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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