we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
