apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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