How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
