I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
