My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
