peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
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I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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