If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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