I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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