dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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