I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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