I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
