Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
