No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm at about main and main street
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
