Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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