How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Let's get the cat blown out
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
