She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
