Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
