the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
