I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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