When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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