just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
