She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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