I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
