so that wasnt chicken after all
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
