okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
