I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you win again, gameday.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
