We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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