Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
