bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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