Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
