Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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