If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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